It’s about time someone said it: Women are idiots. I suspect men have known this for a long time and, in their better interest, have kept quiet about it. However, in the face of overwhelming evidence, as a woman, I must conclude that sistas’ all are indeed sniveling, simpering, wimpy imps.

Feminism, go home. Go back to the bedrooms and kitchens where at least for generations you served a purpose. Only there can you achieve the level of mediocrity not remotely evidenced in boardrooms and cubicles since your forcible entry into the office four decades ago.

The Battle of the Sexes has yielded a simmering stalemate, though men concede women have long won the war. Women may have won, but only by default. The men quit fighting, stopped trying, and no longer care to please their women because they know they can’t. Men have lost plenty. They are no longer significant in the estimation of women. In plain English, women are behaving badly.

I witnessed this bad behavior by women at work. There was a team building activity company-wide. Divided into teams, each person on the team was assigned a task only they could do. As each person performed their role, the team accomplished their goal. Each team, when done performing their task, was to integrate their piece with another team. Each team contributed to the building of a whole unit, which represented cooperation among all departments within a company.

Instead of achieving corporate nirvana, a shameful quagmire concluded the exercise in futility. In an instant, a dozen shrill, power hungry women converged upon a table and started screaming at subordinates to follow their spontaneous, ill prepared orders. They hijacked the plan, threw out the rules, and imposed a cult of personality where the one who shouted the loudest and the meanest and the most often was the winner. A periphery of impotent employees, mostly men, ringed the dominant table of blond ambition.

Time was called and the endeavor ended. We employees slunk back to our seats, feeling foolish for ever wanting to participate, for even thinking it was possible to contribute, and for even reading the rules in advance. The guys had already drawn blueprints, wrote project plans, and assigned roles. Clearly, a grudge had begun. But not for the clueless women who had single-handedly built an inferior structure with immense pride.

How did this happen? When did men become trivial? What makes women think they are at all important? Why are the rational-minded marginalized and not celebrated instead?

The balance of power has shifted so dramatically that women have developed a delusional sense of self-worth. Feminism promised women they could be anything they wanted to be without offering a constructive way to achieve greatness. Initiative, ambition, education, dedication became pitiful ploys in contrast to the effectiveness of exhibiting emotions.

Employing what I call “Emotional Extortion” offers immediate gratification. Pouting over hurt feelings, throwing temper tantrums, and hurling accusations of meanness gets what you want without having to develop the maturity gained only by delaying gratification. Why work hard and try often when a crying jag swiftly gets you what you want. Why compete in life when cowering in trepidation wins you the competition. Why risk failure when fearful employers hand you the vestiges of victory, minimizing their own exposure.

I witnessed another Women Behaving Badly event twice in Navy boot camp. The purpose of boot camp is to teach you to survive, and then to help your shipmates survive. One evolution simulates evacuating a sinking ship. We were instructed to step off a thirty foot high platform in the safety position (crossed arms and ankles). Yes, it was scary.

Standing atop the platform, waiting for my turn in angst, two of my female shipmates declared they could not do it and walked away. Stunned, I never knew there was any other way off the platform than to swim. A function of their belligerence, they spied the ladder down I was blind to and took it. There wasn’t a single male in our division who quit. Only cowards came up with an alternate exit strategy that risks everyone’s life in battle and at sea. The only cowards I knew at boot camp were women. Tsk, tsk.

The “Swimming Incident” involved more petulant women. The Navy requires you to be able to swim. It has something to do with the deployment of 55,000+ ships in the fleet at sea. Add to ships in the ocean are numerous flights over the water. If a plane goes down or a ship is sunk, you must swim. That’s true for civilian and sailor alike. For some reason, four females thought they were exempt from the rules of basic survival and could escape from that reality.

After being sent back numerous times to the pool for swim instruction to pass the swim qualifications, they devised a ploy to escape scrutiny. The females charged sexual and racial discrimination against every Navy professional swim instructor on staff. The Navy issued a formal complaint and initiated an investigation that will likely end the men’s careers.

I don’t understand how four inept females who failed to meet Navy minimum standards have the power to end prematurely promising careers of accomplished sailors. If there’s one thing the Navy needs more of, it’s swim instructors. They have enough boat anchors, ladies.

As for the ridiculous notion that if women were in charge, there would be no world wars or corporate corruption, here are the facts. It was a woman ambassador to Iraq who encouraged the Persian Gulf War through her own diplomatic ineptitude. No peace accords or war resolutions were ever signed on milk stained documents next to a wet breast pump. The fact that womanly virtues hasn’t succeeded in politics does not stop women from issuing vivid details of medical events like birth, lactation, diarrhea, and vomit to an unwilling audience at work.

I once met an American soldier who was a venerated Tunnel Rat in Vietnam. In awe, I wanted to hear his story and keep his company. Instead, his blithering idiot of a wife blathered on incessantly, interrupting his tall tales of daring do. It dawned on me that in contrast to his life of adventure, she was dull, oppressive, and uninteresting. Having nothing to say, she talked way too much.

Women tend to accomplish less than men in their lives beyond the physical act of child bearing. When you take fewer risks, you achieve fewer goals. As a function of women’s disappointment in their failure to live up to an image of themselves created in their Feminist formative years, they compensate by dominating conversations. As long as she steals the stage and seizes the microphone, for a fleeting moment she can finally be the star. I am woman, hear me roar. Screech of static and all that reverb.

Many women talk way too long about topics of too little interest and even less value. It’s absurd how we all politely endure the agony of being polite company. Why do we humor these ladies who hijack conversations, rendering others mute? Those who talk the most have the least to say.

Why do these depressive drones feel they have something worthy of stating when clearly they don’t? Failing to live up to one’s unrealistic expectations, these women appear less flattering in contrast to others and so they bluff you with bluster. If not so insecure, these chattering boxes would shut up long enough to listen and maybe learn something. The wise stay silent. These women should acquire some wisdom and simply shut up.

Women, repeat after me: just because you have a clitoris does not mean you have any competence. What does that mean? It means you must make choices and accept the consequences. Develop good judgment to make good decisions from bad. Develop critical analytical skills to better think through problems. Think first, react second. Use emotions to develop intuition and not to drive all decision making.

Embrace the fact that the Feminists lied. You can’t have it all and at the same time or for very long. Perhaps you can “have it all” in a lifetime, not all at once. That means accepting that you can’t be a super mom, sexy wife, and stellar employee simultaneously. Utilizing the triangle method of cost benefit analysis, you can have any two variables at once but not all three. Wife and worker: good. Wife and mother: good. Worker and mother: not good.

Understanding human constraints and unrealistic expectations frees you from being that most detestable creature: The Working Mother. When she’s at work, she’s thinking of home. She uses her desk to showcase all that crappy art from her spoiled rotten Honor Roll child. When she’s at home, she’s thinking of work. But she never factors in to the work she unloaded onto you because she’s the martyred mother and you’re not.

Coworkers are burdened with this woman’s lack of consideration for having to perpetuate the myth that she alone is the office’s Fertility Goddess. Every staff meeting is an opportunity for her to mention again the ‘fruit of her loins’ in passing conversation so far off the mark of propriety. Folks grin and bear her to keep their jobs, despising her more as the days pass without promotion or pay raise for dealing with the imposition of her break from reality.

Simply put, women have run amok. Men are losing their ground as they endure blatant abuse by women day after day, decade after decade. Men are wonderful beings, worthy of much praise and appreciation. I am ready for the Man Movement to begin! Somebody please, stop these women before they ruin our lives! As it is, they are sinking our ships. I need a man to save me from the wreckage of stupid women